Things Could Always Be Worse

In an alternate universe, on Earth's sister planet Gaia... When presidential science advisor Melanie Gryzolski and an immortal alien called Jeemis are abducted by a pair of BEWBs, the entire world is riveted to the six hundred mile, forced road trip to Poke's Peak that follows. Craving immortality, lawyer Pitch Al hired the kidnappers, and assigned them to uncover the hidden site of the TDS, a mysterious entity that could hold the secret to ever-lasting life, and a cure for Gaian's endemic stupidity-causing virus too. A second immortal alien, Robulus, teams up with Melanie's father Matt, and a television journalist to reach the TDS first, to prepare for its unveiling to the world. The make-believe media ignites a firestorm of speculative fear-mongering lunacy, and soon thousands are speeding to Poke's Peak, to see or stop the Unveiling, including the celebrity-studded Sacred Stars Temple; a vicious motorcycle gang called Mel's Angels; a cell of dwarf terrorists; Crime Blaster XL-5, a dedicated superhero; a vegan assassin and a bevvy of personal injury attorneys, not to mention bad drivers. What could go wrong?