Ebook The Railway Book of Fun

Curran and Chancellor Clare. - Lord Chancellor Clare, on one occasion, while Curran was addressing him in a most important case, occupied himself with a favourite spaniel, or Newfoundland dog, seated by him; and all the world will remember the rebuke administered to him by that rarely-gifted man. Curran having ceased speaking, through indignation, or malice propense, Lord Clare, raised his head, and asked: "Why don't you proceed, Mr. Curran?" "I thought your lordships were in consultation," replied Curran.

The following epitaph is by Moore, on an attorney named Shaw.

Here lies John Shaw,
Attorney at Law,
And when he died,
The devil cried,
"Give us your paw,
John Shaw,
Attorney at Law!" - Russell's Life of Moore.

The Tall Gentleman's Apology.

Upbraid me not; - I never swore eternal love to thee,
For thou art only five feet high, and I am six feet three;
I wonder, dear, how you supposed that I could look so low,
There's many a one can tie a knot, who cannot fix a beau.

Besides you must confess, my love, the bargain scarcely fair,
For never could we make a match, altho' we made a pair;
Marriage, I know, makes one of two; but here's the horrid bore,
My friends declare, if you are one, that I at least am four.

'Tis true the moralists have said, that Love has got no eyes,
But why should all my sighs be heaved for one who has no size?
And on oar wedding-day, I'm sure I'd leave you in the lurch,
For you never saw a steeple, dear, in the inside of a church.

'Tis usual for a wife to take her husband by the arm,
But pray excuse me should I hint a sort of fond alarm,
That when I offered you my arm, that happiness to beg,
Your highest effort, dear, would he to take me by the leg.

I do admit I wear a glass, because my sight's not good,
But were I always quizzing you, it might be counted rude:
And tho' I use a concave lens, - by all the gods! I hope
My wife will ne'er look up to me through a Herschel's telescope.