Dirty Little Altar Boy

"I am 13 years old. I just realized that I'm not as good-looking as my mom led me to believe. I wear two pairs of underwear . everywhere. These are my stories." It was 1985, and if you weren't a diehard Knight Rider fan then you probably wouldn't survive on the savage and perilous playground of St. Charles private school. It was a time unlike any other, filled with strange fashion choices, schoolyard extortion rackets, and first dates. It was a time for kids who stuck firecrackers in cats' asses, a time for pretending to be murdered to freak out neighbors, and a time for realizing that no one really liked you. It was the perfect time for a "Dirty Little Altar Boy," Middle-class, middle child, way uncool hair-these are the true confessions of a 13-year-old at the crossroads of junior high and hellfire eternity.